How to Date

Adventure Van here with a blog about how to date. As we can tell from events like Santa Fe, apparently this a real big life or death situation. So, before you go out killing people because someone continuously refuses to date you while you're stalking her, I'll be here to get you out of whatever demented rut you're stuck in and actually figure out how to get into a healthy relationship and state of mind so others also stay healthy and don't literally end up slaughtered as a result of a broken heart feud. I honestly can't even believe that it's even a problem, but seeing how we're avoiding the obvious answer, might as well fix all the minor ones!

Step 1: No means No. This may be a hard concept for people to grasp, but No does not mean 'I might change my mind from Stockholm Syndrome 2 years down the line if you continuously pester me and stalk me no matter where I go', it means, wait for it, 'no'. Sometimes, this may be a shocker, people just don't want to get into a relationship with you. That's going to happen, and they'll change it if they want to, not you. But because of how we condition people to think that if you just try a bit harder it'll get them to change their minds, or that they're just playing hard to get, it means that people get the feeling that the only way they'll get a date is because of forcing others to.

Step 2: Shut up about the friendzone. Wow. You put forth all of this effort to be a nice person and get someone to think that you're their friend, and they think that you're their friend, when in all reality all you want is to get into their pants. Boy, what an ass. You're being, that is. Acts of kindness and being nice does not warrant you a hands on tour of the person's bed. Please, don't complain about friendzoning. It's not really a friendzone, even. It's more of a trusted circle of friends for this person that they can depend on to be there in times of need. Which if you're complaining about friendzone, you don't deserve to be there.

Step 3: Don't be an jerk? For some bizarre reason, this is EXTRAORDINARILY hard. I mean, think of all the effort it takes to not, say, get 6 significant others(which in this situation is stretching that term), want a clean slate, so go and snapchat a drunken spree of making out with strangers, then start anew! Or maybe not bother a girl after, you know, the third time of them saying No, you don't go on a murderous rampage resulting in 10s of deaths out of heartbreak. Maybe, being an actual person worth being around, finding someone thru events that you like and talking with them, and creating a natural relationship with someone based on their likes instead of their looks would work. It's a wild and crazy thought, I know.

That might do it. But remember, you can't trust anything these days. Don't trust this guide. Don't trust your coffee maker. And don't trust doors, because remember, it's the fact that we have too many doors fault that mass shootings happen so often in America. Don't worry, I'll do a blog about how to solve that shortly.

Adventure Van, Doctor of Love and Heartbreak.